I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
