Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
