The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
