if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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