I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
lol hangovers are for mortals.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
