ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
