did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
