i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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