WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
pray to the hookup gods
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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