i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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