Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
