what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
