in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Randomize
