Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
