im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
