she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
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