Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
