I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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