If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
