I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
