I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
