I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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