he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Hippo gnu deer
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
