You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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