yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
