I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
