You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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