Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
