I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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