Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
