awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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