anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
