great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
