How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
