Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
ttyl tear gas
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
