I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
