Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
