if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
