So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I still have a little drunk in my system
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
