have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
