so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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