I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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