she was so not down for the gang bang
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
