His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
