Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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