Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
