even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
