You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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