she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
