I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
