I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
